Yesterday was a not so good day.
Driven. That is one word that could easily describe me. The problem is as hard-headed and stubborn as I am, I am deeply attracted to a person who can put the reins on me. The probability of him succeeding will never be 100% (I’d say around 45%) but I crave the struggle. The fact that you can challenge me is a plus. Another complication is that I define a fine line between being a challenge and being a crazy controlling freak. I will not stick with a someone that commands everything to be done his way all the time. He just needs to be able to hold his own.
While in college, everybody wanted to rich and successful on their own. And though I wanted that to some degree, my greatest wish is for my parents to hit the jackpot so I can live off their money. 🙂 Crazy, huh? But I’ve always wished to be treated like a princess sometimes. Sometimes being the operative word because I know that with the values my parents have instilled in me the past 25 years, I would always crave to know the greater purpose of my life. I’d probably spend a lot of my time learning the arts or doing research for political/humanitarian issues.
I never wanted to get married and have kids. On my first serious relationship, we faintly thought about getting married but had not really wanted kids. When that ended, it reaffirmed my belief (or non-belief) about marriage. And then somehow I found myself imagining a life with someone who was still with someone else. It was a whirlwind but he became the best of my life.
I am afraid of ruining it. Neither do I want him to change. Perhaps what I want is for both of us to change so we can be more. A future with little doubt. I do not crave a lot for contentment. Or so I think…