1. Morning & Sunshine
2. A driver to work so I can get lost in my thoughts while in traffic
3. The ability to write and to express
Love is a sacrifice. Before I could finish this blog, I realized that I have a deep rooted belief that love or marriage requires sacrifice. As far as I can remember, my parents’ marriage was almost always full of tears but they’ve chosen to always stay together and that became my ingrained truth.
In hindsight, I realized that I somehow became a 3rd person in my parents’ marriage. I remember fighting with them to try and appease the situation or one of them unloading their sentiments to me after a misunderstanding. Up to know, I could sense when their relationship is good, bad, or worse.
I learned to cope by rationalizing. Cerebral was how a friend described it, protection was how I saw it. I used to think that I found it hard to process emotion because my family wasn’t very showy but in hindsight, I think I might have trained myself to not feel emotion because it was the best way I knew to not to get hurt.
Without intention, the repeated rationalizing has lead to numbing myself. Borrowing from Elsa, “Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know”.
And in this process and with the belief that Love is a sacrifice, I have managed to always put myself last. The funny thing is I was rational enough to know that I need self-care. I gave myself time but it was always the last hour of the week and I was always willing to cancel for someone else. Always with sacrifice.
So I need to form my new truth and what best to choose a truth from God, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
And it doesn’t say love equals sacrifice, noh? ❤️